I apologize

So sorry to all of my friends on Opera. I have been neglecting my blogging duties. My computer has been unplugged off and on because of the flooring issue and moving things around. BUT….something else has come up.

Besides being busy and thoroughly exhausted from the flooring chores, I have also been packing. Yes…..packing. This just started a few days ago upon returning from Fargo. Yes, I was there again to see my daughter, her husband and my granddaughter. On the plane trip home, I kept thinking, I don't want to keep leaving them.

It is hard for me to believe….but I have made the decision to move to North Dakota. The next few months will be extremely busy for me with meetings, packing, cleaning, throwing out, etc.

With the housing market the way it is in Arizona, I may find it impossible to sell my house, unless I take a big loss. In the next few days, I will be talking to real estate agents, lenders and all the other people with regard to this. I've thought of renting my house but that would be difficult being so far away. I know many people do this, but I don't know if it would be ideal for me.

The problem is that there are four houses for sale on my block alone, two of them right across the street from my house. There are two houses for rent, one of them already rented. The rental is kitty cornered across the street. One of the houses for sale across the street was owned by my dear old neighbors, Emil and Louise, who were both 92. Louise had been in a care facility for a couple of months and finally, Emil decided he no longer wanted to be in the house by himself and moved into the assisted living place with his wife. It was very sad to see them go.

My decision to move is a big one and I am scared. Why….I'm not sure. This will be a huge change for me. I've been in Arizona all of my life….well….since 1950….when my mom and dad moved here and I was 2 and a half. And now, at 61, I'm leaving my beloved state.

I'm a bit of a loner and have only two good friends who I see only twice a year…..if I'm lucky. One of them will be moving to Montreal by year end. The other one lives 200 miles away and, I think, has the beginnings of dementia or something because she rarely answers her phone or returns phone calls. She does not use a computer so that is out of the question. Losing these friends will be a loss because I doubt very much they would come to visit me. The one in Montreal, I'd be able to go see her and her family. My son and his wife live here as do my sister and brother and his wife. So, I do have ties here but the ties to ND have become so much stronger. I cannot stay away.

The winters in North Dakota had so far deterred me from even considering moving there but…..it's not like I'm going to be living in an igloo or anything. I know I can do this. I am going to do this.

I know if I stay here, for whatever reason….loneliness, boredom, anxiety, etc…..I will start smoking again. It was a month on the 8th of June that I quit. Another week has passed and I finally can say I feel better. It took that long to be able to say I actually felt better. BUT I still have very strong cravings. Being here in Arizona, in this heat, in the house alone, doing everything alone, gets tiresome, boring. I don't like it anymore. I need to be around people. I need a slower paced atmosphere, less traffic, less heat. I need a change.

I am ready.

This old photo from 1951 is of me on the new swing set we got for Christmas I think. I was about 3 and a half here. My brother was born a couple of weeks later in early January, 1952. This photo, to me, is a little sad for some reason and is appropriate for how I feel right now. I am surrounded by all that is important to me….all my stuff……but I am alone.

About pam

I am retired from real 9 to 5 jobs. I do my artwork and occasionally write poetry. In September 2010, I moved to Fargo, ND after spending 60 years in Phoenix, Arizona. Now, five years later, July 2015, I'm back in Arizona. And yes, I love the heat!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

95 Responses to I apologize

  1. PainterWoman says:

    Nope, my daughter would never move back here. The other one in Illinois either. Too hot, too much traffic, crime, unemployment and a few other things. Besides ….I'm ready for a change. I've got six boxes packed and a meeting scheduled with a realtor tomorrow morning.

  2. slackwrdave says:

    Originally posted by PainterWoman:

    I just hope there's room in the moving truck for an old gate, a sink with a cactus in it,

    Might as well get the jumbo truck, lol! πŸ˜€ Get one that has the overhang thing over the cab. U-Haul calls theirs "Mom's Attic." Seriously, you can put a ton of stuff up there.Actually, the 27 footer you have planned will probably do it.

  3. PainterWoman says:

    Originally posted by slackwrdave:

    U-Haul calls theirs "Mom's Attic." Seriously, you can put a ton of stuff up there.

    Hahaha…that'd be perfect. The biggest one that was there at the time was 24 ft. but I'm sure they'd provide me a larger one from another site. They quoted me a little over a thousand bucks with a trailer hitched to it for my car. Have been looking at maps and there's a route that goes sort of diagonal to Fargo but it goes through a couple of states of Tornado Alley. To avoid those, I was thinking of going straight up through Wyoming and Montana on U. S. Route 89 then turning east on…I think it was I-94. I think I'll be going through lots of mountains that way though from the looks of the maps. 89 is considered National Park route because I'd be passing through several of them. It would be tempting to stop at each one but then I'd go over the 7 days allotted for the Uhaul. You mentioned more time, so I might do that. But still, I'll have the dogs sooooo…….much to think about.

  4. derWandersmann says:

    U-Haul's 26- footer: http://www.uhaul.com/guide/index.aspx?equipment=truck-26Budget's: http://www.budgettruck.com/moving-trucks.aspxPenske's: http://www.pensketruckrental.com/moving-truck-rental/trucks-for-rent/Ryder's: http://www.ryder.com/images/vr_straight.jpgAs for going through the mountains … well, as someone relatively unfamiliar with pushing these rigs, and not really accustomed to mountain driving, I think I'd avoid it as much as possible. Yeah, the flat country is subject to tornadoes, but on the other hand, they're not so thick as the imagination paints them; you can usually thread your way between them … LOL. But in the flat country, the Great Plains, that's where you'll make time. Get that baby rolling and she'll eat up the miles. Just a thought.

  5. debplatt says:

    I think driving a big rig like this in the mountains is riskier than driving the rig on flat ground in Tornado Alley. For instance, there might not even be a storm front in the Central U.S. when you are doing your trip. When my family moved from Ohio to Texas, we did part of the trip in Tornado Alley, and we had clear skies the entire time.The June 5th storm front in the Ohio-Illinois area produced 48 tornadoes, which is quite a lot of tornadoes. But if you think of the square mileage of all those states, and the area that was impacted by the tornadoes, almost all of the area in the states went unscathed. In addition when toranadoes do touch down, they usually last less than a minute. I'm with dW on this one. If there is a storm front in the area while you are doing your drive, and if tornadoes are produced somewhere in Tornado Alley, I think you can thread your way between them.

  6. Weatherlawyer says:

    Originally posted by PainterWoman:

    I've got six boxes packed and a meeting scheduled with a realtor tomorrow morning.

    Well then, since you must go, go with a bang.Start planning to make your mark. Get some research done into the art galleries and stuff over there and start planning an exhibition.You already know what you need and what would be good and what you should avoid. Find sources for the things you would be better handing off, neighbours who have a small workshop and will do stuff for you.Make your painting or whatever the core of what you want to end up with surrounding you.Get an agent of some sort. There must be some way to get an intro to something suitable if you know what I mean. People have friends and they have friends, what we in Britain call the old boy network. That's al it is a network. You have to "network" your self IN.No dragging your feet and no looking back.

  7. L2D2 says:

    Pam, tornadoes have a season and by the time you move, I don't think it will be tornado season. Take the flattest route by all means. If you have to go through mountains, and the truck overheats, you are stuck for awhile. Take the most level way you can—he's right, you'll make much better time. Haven't driven in mountains myself, but have been passenger and seen how much strain is put on a vehicle.

  8. derWandersmann says:

    Originally posted by L2D2:

    how much strain is put on a vehicle.


  9. debplatt says:

    Originally posted by derWandersmann:


    Very good point. When I've been driving in such an area and Bob has been riding shotgun, he has gone on and on about how beautiful the scenery was. But I pretty much missed all the beauty because I was focusing so intently on the curvy roads.

  10. PainterWoman says:

    Just spoke to my daughter and she said she and her husband would fly here, help me pack and drive. That's awfully big of them and very heartfelt to me. I'd follow them in my car and have the baby and the dogs with me along with other fragile items. Also just heard from the realtor. She will be here in half an hour. When I met her 13 years ago, she and her husband helped me find my house. I'd been to two other realtors who dismissed me. In other words, they didn't take me seriously that I could get a house. Mickey and her husband believed in me. Once they started the process, I had a house in three weeks.

  11. PainterWoman says:

    Linda, dW and Deb: I know taking the flattest route would be the best and I'll probably end up doing that. Going north then east, there are far too many mountain ranges. The ones up in Northern Arizona are scary enough.

  12. PainterWoman says:

    dW: Thanks for those links. I'll check the others out. Arizona is full of mountain ranges…some very breathtaking ones. When I drive up to Flagstaff I go through lots of switchbacks as I get higher and higher into the mountains. It is the exact stretch of road drivers go through in diesel trucks to get their CDL here in Arizona. In the winter, it can be treacherous. My son had to do that and he said it was hair raising.WL: Thanks for all the ideas. I've been so wrapped up in just the packing and the thought of moving, I haven't even thought of galleries there. There are a few museums there I've visited but hadn't noticed or looked up any galleries that are there. Fargo is probably a fifth the size of Phoenix, maybe smaller. But you know, I think my engine paintings might go over better there than here. Not sure at all about my weird paintings. Here, paintings that sell, are of cowboys, Indians, cactus and desert landscape.

  13. debplatt says:

    It's wonderful that your daughter and son-in-law will accompany you as you move. That is a comfort and very sweet of them. :love:

  14. kentsopera says:

    I knew things were going to work out, 'cuz ya got: determination, motivation, a loving family who wants you nearby, friends and people you can rely on. Plus, you know deep down it is the right thing to do.All the best Pam, stay healthy, happy, safe and be careful out there!:cool: :happy: :up: :yes:

  15. derWandersmann says:

    They or you could drive your car … saves the expense of the hitch, but adds the expense of the gas. But that way, you've got a scout out front or a rearguard behind, either of which can be handy, to say nothing of an emergency messenger if there's trouble.You might invest in a couple of walkie-talkies.

  16. Weatherlawyer says:

    Originally posted by derWandersmann:

    You might invest in a couple of walkie-talkies.

    We used to use a couple tin cans on a string when I was young. Keeping them taut on motorbikles was difficult. And it got more complicated if there was a gang of us. Originally posted by PainterWoman:

    Here, paintings that sell are of cowboys, Indians, cactus and desert landscape.

    You missed a nitche there.Your abilities would have suited the Navaho and Anastasi? cartoons. Maybe you should do some aastronomaic stuff when you feel like getting in the zone next time?What the locals used to portray in their sand paintings and carvings is the song of the earth. Think acoustics and 'geo-mancy'. Is that a word?Find yourself a neighbour with a small workshop in his shed and ask him for a quote on picture frames.Then the only thing to hold you back is your fear of the paranormal. And there is little to fear from that except superstition and knowing when to stop.I gather that among painters, guilding the lilly can be a problem.Anyway, good luck.

  17. slackwrdave says:

    Originally posted by PainterWoman:

    Just spoke to my daughter and she said she and her husband would fly here, help me pack and drive. That's awfully big of them and very heartfelt to me.

    I couldn't help but say "wow!" when I read that. Sooo cool. It changes everything. :up: :heart:

  18. L2D2 says:

    Wonderful! That will keep you from having to make that long drive by yourself. Will be easier on you all around. Thank God for loving children.

  19. studio41 says:

    "but I have made the decision to move to North Dakota." wow! this is such a delightful surprise to hear! the last paragraph of your post is very poignant, thanks for sharing, Pam.what a significant and exciting change! I wish you all the very best.

  20. gdare says:

    Happy Birthday, Pam :hat: :cheers:

  21. thaodp says:

    :hat: Happy birthday to you :hat: :cheers:

  22. PainterWoman says:

    Dave and Linda: Yes, I think it is great. They've even written a letter I can use for the lender in ND saying I'll have some income. Jill: Thank you. Definitely a major change. I am ready.Darko, Tamil and Mit: Thanks! I'm going out to dinner with family at one of my favorite restaurants tonight. I'm having salad and cream of chicken w/ gnocchi soup. Delicious! Oh, and probably a glass of wine too. :wine: :yes:

  23. FIFINELEB says:

    Being exactly the same age as you,Pam, I must say I 'd be scared to move too. Think it twice and then make the good decision. You'll have to buy warm scarves and a de-icer for your ink. haha. Good luck,Pam.

  24. PainterWoman says:

    Thanks Jean. I've been thinking long and hard about this. Having the process take so long is giving me lots of time to think even more.

  25. Dacotah says:

    :hat: Happy Birthday Pam. :happy:

  26. Suntana says:

    Since this is an "I apologize" Post, I apologize that I don't have a better place to put this.So ……..Happy Birthday, Pam! :chef:

  27. PainterWoman says:

    πŸ˜€ Thank you Carlos but no need to apologize. I hadn't planned on putting up a birthday post, although I may do a post later today about the moving process…..if it even takes place. We shall see.

  28. PainterWoman says:

    The moving process. Or, I should say the house selling and buying process. I'll explain later.

  29. Suntana says:

    Uh Oh … IF it even takes place? :insane:The moving process? Or the Post?

  30. NLDH says:

    :hat: :hat: :hat: :drunk: :wizard: :king: :beer:

  31. studio41 says:

    a very happy birthday to you, Pam!!! :hat: :heart:

  32. debplatt says:

    I'm joining the others in wishing you a happy birthday!!!Hope you have a great day.:hat::drunk: :wizard: :hat: :cheers: :yes: :hat:

  33. FIFINELEB says:

    Happy Birthday – Comments and Graphics!

    Many happy returns of the day, Dear Pam.

  34. PainterWoman says:

    Carol, L.D, Deb, Jill, Jean and Kent….thanks so much. I plan on having two glasses of wine tonight with family then, after dinner, leaving my car at the restaurant to walk across the parking lot to Barnes & Noble to sit, sip a latte and look at books for a couple of hours. A good friend is meeting me at the bookstore. We have lots to catch up on.

  35. kentsopera says:


  36. Dacotah says:

    :wine: :wine: :wine: :wine: πŸ˜€

  37. L2D2 says:

    Happy birthday Pam. Hope you have a great day whatever you do. And do I hear a possibility that you won't be able to move? I surely hope I have that wrong. If it comes down to it, I'd rent or lease the place with option to buy.

  38. PainterWoman says:

    Thanks Linda. Yes, there's a possibility I won't be able to move. Am leaving shortly for a family dinner but I've also got a post in the works with updates. Was hoping to get it done but it might be tomorrow instead. Lots of complications involved. Olive Garden here I come!

  39. L2D2 says:

    Well, save the worry till tomorrow. It'll still be there, but I sure hate to hear this.

  40. studio41 says:

    Originally posted by PainterWoman:

    Olive Garden here I come!

    hope it was a good one!!

  41. derWandersmann says:

    Sorry I missed it, Pam … Happy Birthday!

  42. NLDH says:

    So glad to hear that you had a great time yesterday. Did you buy any books?

  43. DpRabbit says:

    :sing: :wizard: :queen: :jester: :cheers:

  44. Olgita says:

    The last line touched me so much…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s